would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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