Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
