Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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