Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
