dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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