i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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