The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had sex on a roof
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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