Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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