I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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