Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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