The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
