if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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