We're facebook friends in real life
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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