I just saw a hot homeless man
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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