The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize