She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
