I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
