I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
