he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
