I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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