if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
