i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
