You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
