let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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