I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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