im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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