Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I forget how to act sober
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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