you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
