A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
