Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
