He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
