Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
