so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Panties = found
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
