Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he puts the penis in happiness.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
