So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
