Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
