i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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