Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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