you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
