I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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