I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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