And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
