oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
