that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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