Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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