glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
