when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
