I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
