literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
