I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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