I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
