Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
