Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
