I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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