I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
