God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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