Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
