I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
