AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
