just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
