dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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