and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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