my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
