dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
