we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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