At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize