if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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