her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dicks are not precious.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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