hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
