your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
