I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
