I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
