So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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