Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
