What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
