there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
