Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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