Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So apparently I’m into choking now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
