I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
