that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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