There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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