I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
