According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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