I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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