i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
