She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
