guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
