i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize