My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
