that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
