that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
