Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
