I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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